At the top of my gratitude list today is my dear friend, Farah Jaquith.  October 1st is her birthday and she is not within an arms reach of a birthday hug or kiss for me. Farah is fulfilling one of her dreams to teach and live in another country. She is celebrating this birthday in Taiwan!

Friends are the family we choose. Farah is in my inner circle of friends. We met through teaching together at WOS back in 1997 I think….so we are celebrating about 20 years of knowing each other. We became close when she was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Farah and I were taking classes beyond our masters.  One of the classes we both were taking was quite a distance away. Farah asked me to hop on for the ride. It was the first time I had ever had one-on-one time with a cancer patient. She was open, calm and easy to talk with about her situation. When I was diagnosed in 2001, I asked my another of my close work buddies, Pat, to ask Farah to come see me. Farah came instantly all the way down to NYU after my surgery. And so it began…

Today, Farah and I  cannot have our annual birthday Cosmo toast together but I have put together a birthday slideshow. The music I chose is The Dance of Life…..Enjoy!

A year ago my goal was to walk to Santiago de Compostela from Leon. Seemed like a huge endeavor and turned out to be the most wondrous of experiences that energized and centered me.  We walked the 300 km. one step at a time, one day at a time. It deepened my love and knowing my dear friend in a very special way.  Traveling by the seat of your pants with someone for 30 days is a test of a friendship.  I am forever grateful for Sharon’s spirit of adventure, many talents and big heart.

Funny how this first day of the Camino coincides with school starting. The Camino is an education. Here we are, backpacks all stuffed and we are excited about what we will learn on the pilgrimage. We decided to not plan too much and just see what the day would bring. It was so very lovely to travel that way. Living spontaneously built trust that things will be what they will be, things do work out without a tremendous amount of effort.  People are there to lend a helping hand, a word of insight or a something to laugh about.

These lessons from the Camino I have carried with me through my recent illness. I have learned to truly not plan too much or too far in the future in a new way. I trust things will be the way they are meant to be and I do not need to exert extreme energy to manipulate the outcome. I have faith in the higher power and count my blessings each day.

The kindness and generosity of people are truly the best medicine. Being open and honest, letting people help or hear my fears and anxiety brings love into a closer focus. I count my family and friends as my most dear blessings.  My heart overflows.

Most important lesson of all: take things one step at a time, one day at a time. That is how time is given and that is how it should be lived.

Buen Camino….

My plan was to write on the blog each day for the month of September. Okay, so I skipped a few days over a Labor Day weekend. It is a holiday and the last weekend of summer when people are usually enjoying a BBQ and outdoor activities. That is not how I spent my weekend. After a chemo treatment, I sort of blip out for a few days. I sleep, eat, watch TV, hydrate and sleep some more. But this situation fulfills one of my intentions.

One of my retirement intentions had been to slow down, relax and truly enjoy each moment, each day, each event, etc. Try as I might, I found this concept went against the grain of my being; however, I continued to feel overwhelmed, over-planned and lacking time for spontaneity.  I would joke that “I do busy” very well and planning was part of my ‘teacher’ personality.  Truly, I think I was filling each day out of fear. Deep down, I have had a fear that I would run out of time to do everything on my Bucket List. So, here I am spending time ….yep….just spending my time relaxing at the slowest pace ever. Thanks to cancer #2, I am fulfilling my retirement intention. I am learning to truly let go and just be. Every crisis does have a silver lining.

My Cancer Camino has two parts since I have had to deal with two cancers in my life: first with ovarian cancer and second with gall bladder cancer. Almost 16 years apart and at transitional stages in my adult life. My first experience I jokingly called “Cancer College.”  Let me begin my story with my first brush with cancer.

In 2002 at the age of 44, I gratefully graduated from Cancer College with a Bachelors degree in Ovarian Cancer. I had a minor in Post Tramatic Stress since the diagnosis of ovarian cancer in September 2001 at the age of 43 coincided with the destruction of the World Trade Tower, a hit to the Pentagon and a hijack of several jets. I did not feel safe in my body or in the world. I was angry with the Higher Power for forcing me into this situation at a time in my life when I was financially & physically strong.

My daughter had just graduated college in 2000 so I was able to spend some money on myself. I was in the throes of English horseback riding at the time. This is a very pricey sport as well as physically demanding.  I was riding 3 to four times a week and learning to navigate courses with different jumps & turns, cleaning stalls, showering, feeding & tacking up the horses as well as exercising them. I was able to enjoy a canter as well as the thrill of being on a galloping horse. That sport came to a screeching halt, never to return.  Another layer added to the Post Traumatic Stress.

On top of the interruption of my English horseback riding, my teaching was put on hold. It was the first September since I began kindergarten that I did not make my sojourn back to the classroom. I felt lost without my teaching; I missed the children and the partnership of my fellow teachers. I did not know what to do with myself during the school days while my friends and family were at work. I sought out some classes at The Gilda Club in Hackensack to direct my mind to positive activities but I was around people that were living long term with active cancer or dying from cancer. I was fearful that this would be my fate as well but soon realized my situation was very different from theirs. I befriended another woman with ovarian cancer, however, she passed away about a year after our diagnosis. More layers to the Post Traumatic Stress.

My medical cancer education started earlier in 2001 when the radiologist that was following my trans-vaginal sonograms of my ovary insisted I return for one last sonogram because my ovary was enlarged. I had several large ovarian cysts for about 5 years. They ruptured and they healed and in March of 2001 I did not have any cysts but the size of the ovary was enlarged. The radiologist explained my ovary may be inflamed from years of rupturing cysts so he was concerned with the possibility of cancer developing. This went right over my head and did not register as a concern.  About 3 months later I went for a routine blood test.  I developed hyper-calciemia which I originally thought was a good thing. This turned out to be extremely dangerous and prevented me from having surgery until corrected. Ah, both these things went right over my head but to the doctors they were very big things.

The trans-vaginal sonogram and a CAT scan confirmed a mass in the abdomen. A special gynecological surgeon was needed and it was difficult to find one available around Labor Day weekend. I have come to learn that the time of year you need medical attention can effect where you have the surgery and where it is done. I had the surgery to remove my ovaries, fallopian tubes and a uterus riddled with fibroids.  I had two surgeons to do this procedure since the banana size tumor on the CAT scan looked as if it had ruptured and attached to my intestines. Instant menopause set in….and I was told I could not have hormone replacement of any sort.  So, add another layer to the Post Traumatic stress.

Then came six rounds of chemotherapy with taxol and carbo-platin every three weeks. Other than the usual nausea, constipation, fatigue and immunity problems, I also lost every strand of hair on my entire body. It was fun for a while to wear a red wig…until the hot flashes hit then I wanted to tear it off my head.  Trying to sleep through the night was impossible with the hot flashes and lack of hormones.  I had hot flashes all through the day and was constantly pulling clothes off or layering them back on.  I felt so uncomfortable in my skin. Constipation in the early part of the chemotherapy created a incisional hernia which needed to be repaired by another surgery the following summer.

Through this first experience I learned a great deal about the medical, physical, emotional, social and spiritual impact of cancer on a person. It took years to process through the Post Traumatic Stress of this illness. It made me appreciate each day of good health, strengthened my drive to live each day to the fullest and value each person in my life.

This past year has led me down many roads and meandering paths. I still have travel pictures and stories to tell. This photo was going to start my story of our exploration of the Philippine Islands in February. I was ill with what I thought was food poisoning when in Hong Kong and felt okay for most of the trip until the end when I felt a bit funky so I made some doctor appointments when I got home.

March came and life took me on an extraordinarily different road than the one I planned for myself visiting friends and family in South Carolina, Georgia and Florida.  Many of you know what happened next and some have just a few facts. Here I will connect the dots of the story for some of you.

I know the following statement is an oxymoron, however, I was very lucky to have gotten acute pancreatitis on March 26th. The sudden sweats and crushing chest pain prompted my mother to call 911 and I got an ambulance ride to the Nyack Emergency Room. I am most grateful to my mother’s judgement, pancreatitis and the ER staff at Nyack Hospital because this is how my cancer was found.

I have Gallbladder Cancer at stage T2N1C0 which is considered partially both stage 2 and 3.  It’s a rare one and very hard to detect. The ER doctors at Nyack found the Pancreatitis first but then I developed septic shock.  I was admitted into the ICU with dangerously low blood pressure, the pancreatitis and septic shock for 9 days.  Other tests were conducted during that time to determine the cause of the pancreatitis. A mass in the gallbladder was found.

I needed an experienced surgeon so I was transferred to Montefiore Memorial Hospital. The gallbladder with the tumor ( 5.3 cm x 3.7 x 3.5), connecting tissue between the gallbladder, part of the bile duct, a lymph node  and part of the liver were removed. My scar is shaped like a backwards capital ‘L’ with my belly button at the corner. Yow!  Hard to move up or down, right or left. Sleeping for any length of time is impossible.

I was released 5 days after the surgery but admitted again the night of Day 6 (Easter) with a fever, increasing abdominal pain, nausea and diarrhea.  The fever and pain were caused by an abscess. The diarrhea was not so easy to diagnose.  The gastroenterologist there wanted to rule out c-diff, parasites or pancreatic malfunction. Thankfully, they found treatments that are working. The most exciting part of this 4 night hospital stay was the 27 hours I spent in the Montefiore ER.  I have been in several ERs and this one is the biggest one by far. When they suspected c-diff, I was put in an isolation room for hours without a call bell but even when I had one, it did no good.

The doctors tell me surgery was part of the cure but because cancer was found in the lymph node I will need chemotherapy. The treatments will be on a three week cycle of two weeks with chemo and one week off. Chemo treatments will be two drugs given one day a week and will run for 6 months. I’ve done this before with my ovarian cancer and from what I’ve been told this treatment will NOT be as harsh. Phew!

So, between the treatments I plan to get out and do the things I love: hike, tutor, theater, fun with friends, Book Club and weekend get-aways. I am grateful it is Spring and the flowers and trees are blooming. I am so excited to see the Mountain Laurels bloom.  The lessons of The Camino de Santiago live in me. I have faith that this bump in road will lead me to situations I am to learn from and people I was meant to meet.

Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts. They have held me up in some of the dark hours. I am grateful for the love of my family and friends. I so fortunate to be living a life I love and am ready for whatever may come  along the way.

May peace prevail on earth and with you!

Buen Camino Mi Amigos!

Below is information from the Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer website. If you’d like to read more go to their link.

Gallbladder and bile duct cancer are relatively rare. According to the American Cancer Society, approximately 9,500 new cases of gallbladder and bile duct cancer are diagnosed each year in the United States.

The Gallbladder & Bile Ducts

The gallbladder is a small, pear-shaped organ located just underneath the liver. The gallbladder stores and concentrates bile, a fluid made by the liver that helps digest fats in the small intestine. The gallbladder contracts during digestion, releasing bile into the small intestine.

Bile ducts within the liver join together to form one main bile duct, located immediately outside the liver, which carries bile to the small intestine. This main bile duct is called the common hepatic duct. The cystic duct joins the gallbladder to the common hepatic duct, and the combined duct is called the common bile duct.

Types of Gallbladder and Bile Duct Cancer

Most primary gallbladder and bile duct cancers are adenocarcinomas, growths that begin in the mucus glands that line the insides of the gallbladder and bile ducts.

Bile duct tumors are known as cholangiocarcinoma. These tumors can occur in the main bile duct outside the liver (extrahepatic) or within the liver (intrahepatic).

Risk Factors for Gallbladder Cancer

Gallbladder cancer typically strikes older people (aged 70 and above). It is more common among Mexican Americans, southwestern Native Americans, and people from certain South American countries, particularly Chile.

Other risk factors for gallbladder cancer include:

Risk Factors for Bile Duct Cancer

Like gallstones, smaller stones that form in the bile ducts can lead to chronic inflammation and increase the risk of developing bile duct cancer. Other inflammatory conditions can increase the risk of developing bile duct cancer:

Symptoms

Gallbladder and bile duct cancer cause few symptoms until they reach an advanced stage and have spread to other organs and tissues.

Jaundice (a condition in which the skin and the whites of the eyes become yellow, urine darkens, and the color of stool becomes lighter than normal) and itchy skin (which can occur when a tumor blocks the bile duct) often are the first signs of bile duct cancer.

Other symptoms may include:

1 Welzel TM, Graubard BI, El-Serag HB, Shaib YH, Hsing AW, Davila JA, McGlynn KA. Risk factors for intrahepatic and extrahepatic cholangiocarcinoma in the United States.

On our Sojourn I learned Lunar New Year is a happy two week season like Easter or Christmas. Much of our journey we saw the excitement and color of the Asians celebrating their holiday at temples, restaurants, shopping and on their own vacations. Decorations of pink flowers, red lanterns, mandarin oranges and roosters were displayed from the start in Hong Kong through the end in Singapore. The temples were bustling as prayers were performing their New Year offerings and rituals.

Man Mo Temple Altar

Hong Kong Temple

It was exciting to be in the midst of the holiday frenzy as a tourist. Above are photos in Hong Kong. The following are from the Buddhist Temples of Quanzhou, China. This temple is along the famed Silk Road and right next to a mosque.

Quanzhou was an important port on the Maritime Silk road where mosque and temple next to each other represents the diversity of this city during the early centuries when the products of the orient were highly valued by the Western world.

Qingjing Mosque in Quanzhou, Fujian Province, China

The city of Quanzhou is nicknamed the ‘Buddhist Kingdom’ and has another temple with Golden Buddahs, a monastery and large towers which were under construction. (This seems to be a theme for many landmarks I’ve traveled to see such as the Cathedral in Santiago de Compostela.)

Singapore has a Chinatown too so we visited two temples on the day that they were celebrating a Jade god. The Lunar New Year is celebrated for two weeks and each day has a different meaning or god honored. We saw lion dancers in the street but I could not get a good photo. Being in Asia during one of their most highly celebrated holidays brought the temples to life and added depth to our experience of the Eastern culture.

Gung Hei fat choi my friends!

It has been a few months now and I am still processing the effects of my pilgrimage. Here is a compilation of the many visuals of this unique journey.

I am happy to say I CAN cruise! The first two days were a real test as we sailed on rough seas, so rough the performances were canceled and barf bags were hung by the elevators. Randy and I just lay in bed most of those days with our wrist bands and patches on while we complained about what in the heck we got ourselves into. All ended well though!

Right now as I am dealing with airport craziness, I am missing the staff that knew my name and would bring me drinks and bring me room service. I enjoyed getting off the ship and being lead through the rainforests and coral reefs by the friendly guides. My favorite  was the welcome performances we received in each Philippine port.

Here is just a sampling of some of the highlights of the cruise for now. Our next flight home is ready to board!

Today we finally felt up to venturing away from the hotel a bit further.Here we are on Victoria Peak on Hong Kong Island with Victoria Harbor in the background. Our hotel is just over Randy’s left shoulder on the other side of the harbor in Kowloon.  Kowloon is a neighborhood on the mainland part of Hong Kong. As I travel, my geography is improving!

It has been very cloudy so I was trying to schedule this tour on a sunny part of the day.I thought that it was becoming  cloudy again but the tour guide said it was actually the smog floating in from the People’s Republic of China up north.

The following are photos from our hotel’s neighborhood in Kowloon: Kowloon Park, the colonial buildings left from the British in 1882 and the cultural center. So many interesting corners to explore just out our door.

It was such fun to see the school children taken to the park with clipboards in hand observing the outdoor sculptures. Reminded me of my teaching days taking classes to Pepsico.

My favorite part of the day was going to the villages of Aberdeen and Stanley. Aberdeen is a fisherman’s village of houseboats where we toured from a sampan!  Had I known we were doing part of the tour by boat I would have opted out but I floated along with the rest of the crowd.  Then we went to the beach promenade and outdoor market in Stanley that looks out from The Pulse toward the China Sea.

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I am dealing with a gastroenteritis; anybody that knows me well knows I have the MOST sensitive digestive tract. Not sure if this came on from the water or food or a virus.  Please: Say a prayer that this passes quickly! I have wanted to eat some of the delicious food here and am so upset to not eat Chinese food in Asia!!!  How often will I get this opportunity?

I am endeavoring upon a new goal: taking an ocean cruise.  As a person that gets motion sickness, I have avoided an ocean cruise for almost sixty years. As I am now retired and approaching a new decade, a cruise was next on the Bucket List.

I have had motion sickness from riding in buses on curvy mountain roads so I am as prepared as I can be. I have my ginger pills, wrist bands, patch for behind the ear, and Bonine pills. Anyone that has traveled with me when I’ve done any sort of boat activity has seen me freak out the day we board ship. I have needed to be encouraged, coaxed and convinced and I have even backed out completely from the sail.  So, my secret weapon stowed away is a few of the Valiums left over from Peru to get me ON the ship!

Along with the cruise goal, I am ticking off  the list :1. Victoria Peak in Hong Kong 2. Snorkeling in the 100 Islands 3. Exploring an underground river 4. Hiking in Borneo 5. Seeing the sights of Singapore.  I remember my Uncle Jimmy who was quite a world traveler saying that Singapore was one of his most favorite cities in the world.

This trip I am traveling with Randy. He likes fine dining and the luxuries of upscale hotels.  This will be a much different trip than the others I’ve taken this year. Sitting in the airport at the beginning of a new adventure is always such a special time. I’ve finished my “To Do” list and the anticipation of being ready is done……I am bathed in eagerness and excitement…… So off we go!